Cheating is one of the biggest sins you can commit in a relationship. It destroys trust, creates anxiety, and can often never be forgiven . So, when sussing out a new partner, it makes sense that many people look for red flags that signal their significant other might cheat. However, a more constructive way to do that might be to flip it around. Instead of looking for signs of a cheater, look for signs a partner would cheat. Here, therapists share the commonalities they've noticed in people who rarely partake in unfaithfulness. Read on for their advice.
They're open with their tech.
According to licensed clinical social worker Steve Carleton , a person who's cheating might be protective of their devices, either keeping them hidden or utilizing security measures like excessive passwords, fingerprint technology, and encrypted apps. If your partner is less inclined to cheat, they may be more laid back.
"Because they have no reason to hide anything, they are likely to be more relaxed with how they use their devices and not worry about someone accessing information they don't want to be seen," explains Carleton. "If their partner has questions or requests regarding their phone use, they are willing to be compliant and share details without hesitation."
They've never cheated in the past.
If a person's never cheated in the past, they might be less likely to do so in the future. "This is because a person's previous conduct is frequently an excellent predictor of future behavior, particularly in questions of integrity and personal beliefs," says Marley Howard , licensed marriage and family therapist .
It's worth noting, though, that you can never know for sure. "People's behavior and circumstances change over time, and numerous reasons might lead to infidelity," adds Howard.
However, if you enter a rough patch, you'll know that your partner has stayed faithful in the past, which speaks positively to their values.
The two of you have high emotional intimacy.
Your relationship also comes into play. If it's solid, cheating might be less of an issue.
"Couples who have built a strong emotional connection are more likely to be satisfied and fulfilled in the relationship, which can help them resist the temptation to seek out someone else," says Carleton, who adds that the key thing to look for is emotional intimacy.
"Signs of emotional intimacy include being able to express feelings and thoughts openly, being able to talk through disagreements without arguments, and feeling comfortable and secure in the relationship," explains Carleton. "Having emotional intimacy also means that each person feels accepted by the other and is not afraid of judgment or criticism."
These couples share vulnerability, trust, and understanding. If they feel something is off in their relationship, they bring it up and communicate openly about it.
They invest time and effort into the relationship
According to Deborah Gilman , PhD, owner and chief licensed psychologist at Fox Chapel Psychological Services , it's a good sign when your partner actively invests time and effort into nurturing the relationship.
"They prioritize spending quality time together, engaging in meaningful conversations, and creating shared experiences that deepen your bond and connection," she says.
Partners with similar values, beliefs, and goals are more likely to be focused on the long-term commitment of the relationship. "This shared foundation creates a sense of unity and mutual understanding, reducing the likelihood of seeking fulfillment outside the relationship," adds Gilman.
They're open to counseling.
There's nothing wrong with getting advice from the pros, and if your partner seeks out therapy, coaching, or mentorship, then it's a good indicator they'll stay faithful.
"Recognizing the importance of seeking support and guidance from responsible spaces… signifies a proactive approach to personal growth and relationship health," says Sejginha Williams-Abaku , licensed marriage and family therapist and director at Personal Life Wellness . She adds that partners who use these resources are more likely to "address challenges and maintain open communication."
They display your relationship.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Audrey Schoen points out that even though "people have different levels of comfort with public affection or posting personal information online, someone that is committed to a relationship won't hide that fact in public areas."
So whether that means holding your hand when out with friends, or posting a photo of you on social media, these displays of affection are a good sign that your partner is committed and not hiding anything.
They demonstrate integrity.
Unsurprisingly, a person who prioritizes honesty and morality in their day-to-day life will almost certainly bring that same level of integrity to a relationship.
"They uphold their values and principles even when faced with difficult choices, which suggests a strong sense of personal ethics and commitment to doing what is right," says Gilman. And someone with a strong moral compass is unlikely to cheat.
They were previously impacted by infidelity.
If your partner had a parent who cheated—especially if it occurred when they were at a young, impressionable age—it could be a sign that they've vowed never to cheat themselves.
"Individuals who have been deeply affected by infidelity in their childhood often develop a strong stance against such behavior," explains Williams-Abaku. "Their personal experiences shape their values and reinforce their commitment to fidelity, making them less likely to repeat the cycle of betrayal."
They integrate you into their life.
A tell-tale marker of cheating is secrecy and keeping you hidden from people who may blow their cover or pick up on something amiss.
However, Schoen says it's a good sign if "you spend time with your partner's friends and family, and they regularly include you in the day-to-day goings on in their lives."
They'll freely tell you who they're with or what they're doing, and "they often use 'we,' showing that they understand you are connected," adds Schoen.
They have certain personality traits.
Your partner's general personality can also predict their cheating potential. Michelle Giordano , a therapist at Live Another Day , finds that in her experience, a few traits signal people are less likely to partake in infidelity.
Those traits are conscientiousness, self-control, empathy, secure attachment style, and high self-esteem. They often mean people are responsible, reliable, in tune with others' emotions, comfortable with emotional intimacy, trusting, and able to resist temptation.
"However, it is important to note that these traits are not the only factors that influence whether someone cheats and that there is no foolproof way to predict infidelity," Giordano adds. For best results, trust your gut.
